Every orthodontist’s dream is a twenty-something gal with messed up teeth, because she never got braces in middle school like everyone else. Okay, so I was a bit of a baby when it came to my choppers. My mother will still tell you the stories of me sobbing, tooth dangling out of my mouth, as she tried to convince me to let her tie a string around it and remove it. She even pulled the ol’ “Let me just look at it” trick, then dubiously tried to yank it free in my moment of vulnerability. Now I know it was all for the better of my dental future.
We all remember the episode of Sex and the City when Miranda is post-maturely forced to wear braces, to prevent her headaches, caused by her tongue-thrusting (Season 3, Episode 15). As hilarious as it was prior to my appointment, I could think of nothing else as I sat in the dentist’s office and listened to him tell me that I too would need braces in adulthood. And to make matters worse, my condition was too severe for clear braces, and would require many agonizing years of “metal-mouth”.
I swooned at the smell of antiseptic, and the walls of the small room closed in even tighter. The thought of having to face my co-workers and peers with a shiny, chrome mouthpiece was humiliating. On second thought, maybe this wasn’t so bad after all; grills are making a huge comeback in the hip-hop world.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’m not Lil Kim, and braces are nowhere near trendy. I could only imagine what my dentist-to-be boyfriend would think, with his perfect, blinding-white teeth. He never thought there was anything wrong with my smile before, so that fact that I was even seeing an orthodontist puzzled him. But still, no one wants to be seen with a baby-faced, pubescent teen on your arm, unless you’re actually a pubescent teen, in which case I was going to be the hottest chick in school.
What a nightmare! And that’s just the beginning, wait until I get the bill for my enlightening consultation. Needless to say, I jumped out of the chair and never went back.
I’m still searching for a second opinion…